In recent weeks the British people have seen a potentially defining moment in it’s political history as two opposing parties came together to form a coalition government as they take on the challenge of stabilising the country.

There are sceptics, doubters and experts that see nothing but failure. How can two parties with such opposing views really work together?

What I am wondering is would it make any difference if the two leaders were women?

Would the tactics have been the same? Would we be looking at the possibility of a successful government in a more positive light?  Come to think of it would we have voted any differently?

Before you answer, consider the following.

A few years ago I came across quote in Business week from Bruce Nussbaum who said “We are in the midst of a cultural shift that involves leadership shifting from the voice of authority to the voice of understanding. Listening, understanding, connecting and communicating are the key skills the business culture today and the essence of true leadership”

If we are to believe that this is the case, then when it comes to skills like listening, understanding and connecting women simply have the upper hand. They rock.

In her book  The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing The World, Dr. Helen Fisher argues that “The twenty-first century economic community are going to need the natural talents of women. …Women have many exceptional faculties bred deep in history: a talent for words; a capacity to read non-verbal cues; emotional sensitivity; empathy; patience; an ability to do and think several things simultaneously;…a penchant for long term planning; a gift for networking and negotiating; and a preference for cooperating, reaching consensus, and leading via egalitarian teams”

There are countless other books and pieces of research which bring out similar ideas.

Tom Peter’s author of the best seller “In search of excellence” describes in his later work that there is a set of attributes found more commonly in women than in men.

• Women practice improvisation skills with greater ease than men
• Women are more self determined and more trust sensitive than men
• Women appreciate and depend upon their intuition more than men do
• Women, unlike men, focus naturally on empowerment not on power
• Women develop relationships with greater facility than men.
• Women are far less rank conscious than men.

Men like structure. We like boundaries and rules which define or describe ‘our place.’ Which is why I commonly find that men relate to being a leader as a position that you hold as oppose to a behaviour you exhibit. Men see leadership is a task of tangible outcomes and not the emotive animal that it is.

So would the coalition government stand a greater chance of success if the leaders were women?

Well, I guess we will never know for sure but I do believe we could say that a female leadership team maybe better equipped to lead a collaborative team than their male counter parts. They would probably connect with greater ease and comfort than their male counter parts and listen far more.

There is one factor to consider above all of this that could pour cold water on to some of these arguments. The corporate world is still very male dominated and the danger would be that in order to get ahead women in more senior roles are having to take on the traits of their male counterparts, forced to operate in manner that is the opposite of what is required in the ‘new’ economy.

So what do you see in your organisations and businesses?

Do you see difference between male and female leaders? Do you agree that those differences exists and indeed are they important in today’s world?

This week I was delivering a leadership workshop with a partner company to a group of senior managers working within a large blue chip organisation.

One of the questions we asked the group to contemplate was “What is the leadership mindset?” The question drew out some interesting responses. Some described it as a set of beliefs, values and attitudes to empower people, whilst others talked about leaders being born not made and that the “mindset” was either there or not.

For me the mindset for leadership is a simple shift in thinking and in priorities which moves you focus from ‘you’ to ‘them’ and therefore I side with Robin Sharma when he says “leaders can be trained” as I believe leaders are made not born.

The glory in leadership comes not from what you achieve but from what you help others to accomplish. It’s a selfless journey into empowering your people to better themselves and perform to their greatest ability. The priority of a leader is to remove the interference that gets in the way and instead create pathways which lead to peak performance.

More than that though, leadership is about authenticity. It’s about being real.

The problem is that in many businesses and organisations ‘leadership’ is something people think that you do. Leaders are ticking boxes or carrying out a set of functions rather than actually leading. Why? Because as much as companies may demand that people be themselves at work, but the ‘unwritten rules’ in organisations stop that from happening.

People become fearful of being the real them and instead create a ‘persona’ which fits the bill and keeps them ‘safe’. Which then perpetuates a culture where people fail to be transparent and adopt strategies to look after themselves first.

The further you journey into the world of leadership the more you have to be real. People can spot a fake a mile off. I am sure you know or have known with people that claim to be one way but in reality are very different, if not look to the world of celebrities for countless examples. To lead you must be the same person ‘off stage’ as you are ‘on stage’ to truly win the hearts and minds of the people. Your teams will notice even the slightest of inconsistencies between what you say and what you do. This video from www.50lessons.com is a great example of who a CEO stood for one thing in all that he said but his actions failed to match.

As leader you drive the culture. It is your actions that define how people around you will behave and respond.  If you demand people have a particular stand but you fail to hold up that same standard then you lose credibility and you know how incredibly difficult  it is to win it back.

So ask yourself, how real are you as a leader? If you were in the audience with your people watching you, what inconsistencies might you see? Do actions match your words?

Team Five Alive – Three Peaks Challenge 2009

My brother and his friends recently completed the Three Peaks Challenge which involves climbing the the three highest mountains in the UK over 24hr period. It’s no mean feat!

The boys did great, they completed the task and raised over £5000 for the Anthony Nolan Trust which I sure you will agree is a fantastic achievement.

I agreed to pick them up from Mount Snowdon after the last decent, though i didn’t bank on driving a mini bus full of very excited wives and girls friends – but that’s another story.

The luxury of today’s mod cons meant that we got regular updates and as we got close we learned that two of the lads had suffered set backs as they’re knees gave in after completing the second climb. They rest had gone on.

Here is the crazy thing, even though they had completed two of the highest peaks in the UK – over 6,500 ft – they still felt liked they’d failed.

Go figure that? Most people wouldn’t climb 1000 ft let alone 6500ft!

Isn’t it interesting that even after a such an achievement the focus goes on failure?

The group that went on to complete the third peak included my youngest brother. When he finally made it back, he talked about how he almost gave up after seeing the impact on his friends on the second mountain. So I asked him what kept him going and he told me that it was all about mental state. Even through his body was saying “no more” his mind and mental strength focusing on ‘why’ he was doing this carried him and the rest of the team through.

As one of my great teachers Steve Siebold says in his book ‘177 Mental Toughness secrets of the world class’

“When a performer begins to experience physical or emotional pain in the heat of the battle, the brain, whose primary role is self preservation, asks the question: “why must I suffer?”. The champion will answer the questions with the vision they have carefully constructed , and will continue to fight….”

So, how was 2008 for you? Being the kind of person you are, I’m guessing you will have had some goals or targets set out for the year. Did you achieve all you set out to?

I don’t know what your answer will be but I do know that most people I talk to don’t actually achieve what they set out to. Many end up in the vicinity but few actually land on “X” that marks the spot.

So, what’s the difference between those that hit the bull’s eye and those that land on the outside of the board you might ask? Well, there is no one definitive answer but there are some key points which contribute to the difference. One of them is the way in which successful people structure theirs goals.

Now, I’m pretty confident that you already know something about setting goals and about how much more likely you are to achieve them if you write them down versus carrying them around in your head. (over 50% more likely for the record.)

However it’s not just about writing them down. Many people who set goals fail to achieve them in the way they wanted because the directions they give themselves were not “tight” enough. Let me give you an example – “I want to make more money” – that’s a fairly generic statement. It’s kind of like getting in your car and programming your Sat Nav to take you North.

There is a specific proven structure to setting out goals which all but guarantees your success.

Here are some key questions to ask yourself when structuring your goals for 2009 which I believe will get you closer to that “X” on your map : -

Make sure you state your goal in the positive – What specifically do you want?
It never ceases to amaze me that when I ask people what they want, the first 10 things they tell me are what they don’t want!
Be sure to write what you actually want. It should be something you are moving towards as opposed to something you are moving away from. For example when working with people who are overweight they often come along with a goal of “losing weight”. This is still a negative statement. “Losing” is moving away from something as opposed to “ I want to achieve my ideal weight of 75lbs” which is a positive moving towards statement.

Where you are starting from.
In order for you to begin to plan your journey you need to know where you are starting from. Be clear about where you are now. For example continuing on from the weight example above “I am 15 stone and 7 pounds with a body fat ratio of 27%. My waist is 36 inches and and I have a 17 inch collar. I can jog up to 5 minutes without stopping and have never lifted any weights. I skip breakfast everyday and drink 5 cups of coffee with 4 sugars in each.”

What will it be like when you achieve this?
In as much detail as possible begin to create a picture of it will be like when you achieve your goal. What will you see around you? What will the colours be like? Who else is in the picture?
What about the sounds? What will you be saying to yourself? What will others say about you? What else can you hear? Is there any music?
How will you feel having achieved you goal? Describe the sensations as much as you can. Where in your body will they be? Are the hot or cold? Are they still or moving? What’s the intensity like?

What’s your evidence for success?
Just as you look for signs that you’ve reached your destination, you need to ask yourself how you will know when you have achieved your goal.
What will be present? What will be missing? For example “ I’ll know I have achieved my goal when I am able to run for 10 miles without stopping and can fit comfortably into my favorite pair of Levis jeans”

Is this what you really want?
Ask yourself is this what YOU really want? Is this goal about you or about what you think others want you to do? If you are not fully congruent with it the chances are you will nit keep up the action required. Think about what achieving this goal will enable you to do or what it will get for you?

Is this goal only for you?
It’s important that the goal is self maintained and is for you only. Often people set goals that involve other people changing what they do. For example “I’ll start my training plan once my boss stops asking me to work late.”

When you rely on someone or something else to change in order for you to achieve your goal you are effectively giving up your responsibility and personal power. What happens if they never do what you need them to do? What ownership will you take?

What’s the context for this goal?
It’s important to remember that achieving a goal in one context doesn’t automatically make it appropriate in another. You should be clear about where and when you want to achieve this goal. For example if you had a goal of “Being more loving and affectionate with your partner” it would be inappropriate for this to be achieved in a work environment.

What resources do you need to achieve this?
In order for you to achieve your goal what resources do you already have that you can use?  We often forget what we already have, so it’s important to search deep and look at what resources are already present in your life that will enable you to start your journey. For example continuing on from the weight loss scenario, you may state that “you have some training clothes, some running shoes, a skipping rope and park nearby to run in.”

Have you ever done this before? Again, people often forget what they have done in their past. If you look back at your past you’ll be amazed at what you have already done in your life. For example, you may look back as far a school and gym/P.E. classes in terms of looking at when you may have exercised before.

Do you know anyone else who as done this? We live in a highly networked world now, so the chances are that you will know someone who knows someone that may have done what you are looking to do. Tapping into that resource can help you understand what other resources you may need.

Is this ecological?
The process of setting up goals and targets can be very self focused. It’s important to check in with yourself as to how you achieving this goal will affect the people around you including loved ones, and how the environment is impacted. To help you uncover some of the impacts asks yourself:

For what purpose you want this?
What would you gain or lose by having this goal?
What will happen if you get it?
What won’t happen if you get it?
What will happen if you don’t get it?
What won’t happen if you don’t get it?

By following these steps and asking yourself there questions I’m confident that you can constructed a well formed goal and have a great chance of achieving what you want.

So get started, have some fun and craft out your successes for 2009!

The greatest part about this success story for us is that Alexandra competed in this competition 3 years ago and did not make it, which reminds us of one of the key presuppositions of NLP which is “there is no failure, only feedback”

So what does this mean?

Many people look at temporary set backs in their lives as failures and consequently give up their fight to achieve their goals. Had Alexandra Burke done that when she didn’t make it 3 years ago, she may not have even bothered to enter the competition again. But she had a dream of winning the competition so big that she was not put off by the temporary setback.

The presupposition “there is no failure, only feedback” is very powerful in that, no matter what result you get, if you look at it as a learning experience and therefore give your self the necessary feedback you need to be able to do things differently next time, it is always a better option than saying that you have failed.

Take a look at the things you have done in your life in the past where you may have wrongly labelled them as failures and re-evaluate them using this presupposition “there is no failure, only feedback” How can you learn from the results you got back them and apply the learnings in order to get different results next time round?

Remember, it took Thomas Edison over 9,999 attempts to create the electric light bulb and on every time he didn’t achieve his desired results; he didn’t look at them as failures, but looked at how he could learn from it. He said that “I didn’t fail 9,999 times, I found over 9,999 ways how NOT to create the electric light bulb.

Try this presupposition on for size over the next 30 days and see how different you think about situations. When you realize that this works in so many aspects in you life it will change the way you think for ever.

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